Illusions and the Real Online Dating Scammers

The one thing everyone wants is to find love. You want to meet someone so you decide to join all the others who have waded into online dating. Which site to choose, a paid one, or a free one. Which one is safer and will protect you from online dating scammers. Well none of them will.

One of the biggest cons is alive and well in On-Line Dating, and has infiltrated some of the top paying sites that promote themselves of carefully screening applicants. These scammers target a weakness in these genuine people who want nothing more than to find that right person to share their life with. Now if you say to yourself, “well I’m too smart for that and I could spot one of these scammers a mile away.” You may want to ask yourself how all these innocent people got scammed to begin with? Everyone has a weakness. Everyone tries to be careful not to show their cards, but these predators (and they are in fact predators, men and women) zero in on your weakness. Because it’s what they do. And they never approach it the same way. If something backfires on them, they come at it in a different direction.

What they’re looking for is money. And what they’re not going to do is come right out and ask you for it. And quite often they build a relationship with you over time first before asking for money. Because they want you to care about them, so when something conveniently happens in their life after they’ve developed a connection with you, and they ask you for advice first maybe, and then in a subtle way ask for money next. Should you be scared? No, you should be wary. Don’t ever, ever give money to anyone. You’ve been dating them a month and they suddenly need help with something, some cash. Your answer should be NO! Someone genuine would not ask you for money ever!

Here is how it works. They put up a profile and it will be about someone respectable, a business person a great job, conservative appearance, with strong family values. If it’s a man quite often they’re a widow, and they target unsuspecting women with children. And they take their time. The illusion people are under is that they target divorced women who are lonely and vulnerable. That is an illusion, the men who are active scammers target women and they play their part well. And because their profile appears to many women to be the knight in shining armor, or someone with values, these scammers (men) get tons of emails from women. These guys know how to read women. These women who become victims of these scammers have done nothing wrong except build a relationship over time with who they believe is the real deal. These men portray themselves as having family values, having their own children and that their children are important and they refuse to have a relationship with a woman unless their child is completely accepted. Maybe they tell you they’ve been burned in the past -- hurt by a dishonest woman. Whatever story and role they play, they allow it to unfold over time, getting to know these women, and these women unfortunately, believe they have just met the love of their life.

Guess what? You’ve been fooled. And this doesn’t just happen to women, guys there are women doing the same thing to you. And it happens so subtly. Here is one of many stories that your new love you met may pull, “ He’s a businessman and private contractor and just landed a big contract with an oil company and has to fly to an oil rig, his team of men that work for him are coming in from Australia. He will be gone for three weeks, but he’ll call you every day, email you too when he can get internet access. And then an accident happens, he’s frustrated and talking to you is the only thing that helps. He’s worried because he could lose his money, and he wants to provide for you, and he has been planning a future with you, but then suddenly he has to raise money quickly to cover repairs, and guess what? Because you are now the love of his life, he’s going to ask you, and the story will be believable and good, and you may find yourself scrambling to send him the money. Instead please, please do not give him one cent, right now you should be running the other direction. End all contact.

The illusion many are under is these scammers hit you up right away for money. But that’s not true, they build a relationship first, one of trust, then hit you up and it’s with a story that most women will of course consider draining their savings and sending the money, men too unfortunately. And you know what happens? Nothing. He’s gone, and because you gave the money willingly, there is no chance for you to get it back. And the majority of women will never, ever tell their friends or family of how they were duped, because they feel stupid, when in fact they shouldn’t.

If women and men can learn one thing, it’s this and please share this every single person you know. When you are online dating and the new guy you meet sends his photos to you, (ladies too), and please ask for some if he hasn’t, do a reverse photo search. It’s easy and if this guy is a known scammer his images will show up on all these dating sites across the country, different cities different names, and maybe some sites where he’s been flagged as a scammer. Keep in mind not all his photos will show, and sometimes it will be just different sites. But if they pop up, then you should be questioning, why? But as soon as you recognize he is a scammer, what you should do is email the dating site and tell them, and all the other dating sites where with his profile showed up and let them know. Your paid dating site, will of course delete him, but will also let you know they’re not legally liable and they also don’t do background checks or photo searches. Will they notify all the men and women that were on the site and contacted by these scammers? It’s hard to say. But for you entering online dating take this simple matter into your hands starts with their photo. Also another red flag is they will quickly try to get you to start texting and using their private email for contact. Keep your contact on the dating site until you’ve actually met this person.

Below is a step by step of how to do reverse image search. Do this image search on every prospective match that you are communicating with.

Go to google and click on images.

Click on the camera image in the box. A search by image box will pop up.

Click on upload image and upload the online dating photo, then click search by image. You should do this with all his photos, because not all of them will show up. And when it does, if you’ve given him your phone number, block it. Do not respond to his emails, if he knows where you live, you should call your local police and just alert them. No one has to know. But this is for your safety and the only way to put a stop to these scammers.

So again here is a summary and what you should be alert too: • Rush a relationship online • Have to travel for business • Get you to fall in love with them • Fake an emergency • Ask you for money.  And last, if their photo doesn't show up that doesn't mean they are not a scammer. It just means no one has taken any steps to report them to online dating scam forums who are active at posting these frauds. And never, ever give anyone money. If you start dating someone who suddenly asks you for money, you should really be taking a second look.  How many of you know of someone who has been targeted by a scammer?

The Awakening

My new romance, The Awakening, is a dramatic western romance, the 4^th book in The Friessen Legacy Romance Series. The Awakening explores an issue of homelessness for single mothers, an issue that is not given much light and is a very serious problem in every community.

Laura is a maid who works for a pittance and is fired right before Christmas. Her last check is withheld by her wealthy employer, unable to pay her predator of a landlord his excessive rent she is forced to live in her car with her young son.

 

The Awakening is a work of fiction. But rest assured as one of my reviewers noted, “This book could have been taken from the news today. Bad things do happen to good people.”

And over the holidays it is that much harder. Holidays are time for celebrating, families, giving, love, and yes the gift of giving. But when you're poor, have only enough to feed yourself and your child let alone pay for a roof over your head, for many single mothers, holidays are a nightmare...a very stressful time of year. Because they don’t have to give to their child, what others do. And hearing that you just need love, doesn’t take the look of sadness from child’s eyes, when there is no Christmas Tree or gifts for them. Or ease a single mother’s conscious and help them sleep better at night.

A lot of single mothers are barely getting by, living somewhere around the poverty line. And one of the worst nightmares for many is finding a decent place to rent. What many don’t know is male landlords dominate the population. And single mothers become prey to the unscrupulous male landlord who are nothing but predators in disguise. There are no laws that are accessible to a single mother to protect them. They are forced to keep their head down, walk on and not make any noise. Many landlords will refuse to rent to a single mother, and they will give any excuse. I’m sure everyone has heard them. 

In smaller communities, resort communities and many of the Islands the focus is on vacation rentals, and what happens to single mothers and children is they’re forced in the summer to live in tents to make way for the wealthy to rent out homes. But what would happen to these communities who employ these single mothers, the children that fill the schools if they left? Many of these communities would die a slow death. Many have said this is the way of the world and the property owner has the right. Yes they do, I will agree there. But morally, it is shameful, and it is not up to governments to solve the problem. This is a community problem, and comes down to right and wrong.

Are all male landlords predators? No they are not. In fact, I have been told of one man and his wife who witnessed a single mother in a similar situation. They approached her, moved her to a cottage they owned, and charged her only what she could afford. They treated her with respect, her children too. There was a mutual respect that existed between them. The landlord--husband went above and beyond to bring her dry wood to burn, picked her and her children up when her car broke down. They gave her kindness, and provided her a home that was well maintained and in good repair. And this single mother was able to get back on her feet, because of this kindness.

If you read the Awakening, Laura lived in a slum, a basement suite that really was unlivable, renting from a landlord who refused to repair anything, and jacked up her rent to something that wasn’t affordable. And when she lost her job, unable to get her last check her landlord suggested other ways for her to pay her rent. On her back. Of course she refused, and did the only thing she could, moved her and her child into her car, in the cold.

I've made no mention of single fathers with children in this blog, as they do not encounter the same issue as single mothers.  Because society does view single mothers and single fathers differently, have you ever wondered why?

Grab all four novels in this dramatic new series!

Walk the Right Road Series - Short Story - Running Late

For those of you who’ve read my new release The Choice, Book 1 of the Walk the Right Road Series. Running Late is a short story when Marcie and Dan met.

Running Late

Marcie frowned as she hurried to stuff the last of the rosemary in a small plastic bag. Scribbling a price on a white, sticky tag, pasting it to the bag, and arranging it with the other herbs displayed on the small rectangular table at this Saturday’s Farmers Market, this early spring morning. She brushed her fingers lightly over the three dozen small bags of herbs that only filled half the table. She was late, she’d forgotten the peppermint, the lemongrass her homemade soap; her biggest sellers. “Well crap.” She closed her eyes for a second picturing the full dark blue Tupperware container, sitting beside the door. She cursed under her breath and shuffled around the sparse table. Her Granny would’ve made sure she’d brought everything. She was an organized woman, who’d protected Marcie, loved her, and raised her. But it’d been a little over a month since she’d buried her Granny, which sucked Marcie into her head, to relive her agonizing loss over and over.  

Shivering, she yanked on her Granny’s light brown sweater, over her green cotton dress just as her handwritten sign was picked up by a sudden breeze. Her wooden sign was at home, most likely beside the box of herbs, all forgotten, as she’d raced late to the morning ferry that shuttled her from her Island home, Las Seta, to the mainland.  

“Oh no, what else could possibly go wrong?” She darted after the hand written sign as it fluttered across the dirt path over to the lettuce lady who decorated her table with a bright red and orange tablecloth. That was just one more thing forgotten, her blue checkered tablecloth. “Stop it.” She swept back her long wavy hair that blew in her face. Could today get any worse? 

So focused on that sign and her self-consuming frustration Marcie didn’t see the long, lanky legs step in front of her just as she bumped into the solid thigh with the top of her head. She landed on her bum in the dirt, and for a minute, she’d swear she saw stars. 

“Are you okay?” He was in her face. She blinked. And he had the most spectacular hazel eyes. She felt her face heat as his dimpled smile widened over his perfectly straight white teeth. He was a magnificent looking man, just as she’d remembered. Dan McKenzie ran his hands over her shoulder and grasped her elbow, as he pulled her up. Oh crap was he tall. And looking up at him, she was sucked in by this nice wave of comfort. There was something so surreal about him that sent all those butterflies pounding in her stomach. And man he smelled good.

She brushed her hand over her swirly green dress, and looked down at her bare toes that popped out of her red flip-flops. She wanted to hide her dingy feet, as she looked around at all the other gorgeous women, with their painted, pedicured and manicured fingernails and toes. 

“I’m good. I’m so sorry; I can’t believe what a klutz I am. I didn’t see you. I was ... oh my sign.” Her face was burning. She wanted to hide. 

Dan looked behind him, and bent over so elegantly, picking up her paper sign stuck under the lettuce ladies table. He brushed the dirt smudged over the childlike handwriting. His fingers brushed her hand as he handed it back. And this time when he looked at her, she’d swear he could read her every thought. And for a second, it was almost a comfort not having to speak.

But then it happened again, her face heated, she knew damn well she was blushing. Every day she prayed she’d be able to shed this awkward stage of blushing at the drop of a hat.

Dan chuckled and glanced away, before giving her his entire focus. He stepped closer and touched her arm in such a kind tender way. “Marcie right?” This time when his caring eyes washed over her, they were filled with such gentle support as if he was preparing to be her knight in shining armor.

He always was a charmer; so nice. She’d remembered him from High School. They never hung out, but he was always the King of his people, but that was ten years ago. All the kids flocked to him. But even then, he was the life of a party. Everyone wanted him around. So did Marcie. She’d always worshipped him from afar, never fitting in to his circle.

“Yah.” Marcie turned to walk away. 

“So I didn’t know you had a table here? What do you sell?”

He was following her. He seemed interested. He was so close she could feel his warmth. But how could he be interested in someone as unsophisticated and boring as her? She was nothing like the gorgeous blondes she’d always seen draped around him.

She scurried behind her table. Safe at last, now she could focus on her herbs. “I sell herbs, rosemary, oregano, sage, lavender. I’ve even bottled some essential oils. I’m sorry it’s so sparse today. I just wasn’t organized this morning, and I almost missed the ferry. And I forgot the peppermint, lemongrass... and I’m rambling. I’m sorry.” She didn’t know where the giggle came from. She covered her mouth, as Dan crossed his solid arms over his broad chest. His short reddish hair seemed to glow under the glistening sun. And this time she saw humor shine down from his mesmerizing eyes, not in a ridiculing way, but in a supportive captivating loving way.

“Well Miss Marcie. It was good to see you. I’ll be seeing you around I think.” 

“You too Dan. Thanks for your help.” He saluted her in a casual fun way, as he strode away. And Marcie couldn’t help admiring the fine package that he was, hoping he would truly stop by and see her again.

Now Available ~ Book 2 of the Walk the Right Road Series ~ Lost and Found